Day 11 - Wednesday 13th October - Brasov
Official Itinerary says: "Following breakfast we take the coach for a tour of the fortified Saxon church of Prejmer. Built in the thirteenth century, the church is surrounded by massive walls riddled with networks of passages, stairs, rooms and walkways, which would have been used by local families in times of attack from Tatars and Turks. It's also of interest because the vampire film 'Subspecies 2: Bloodstone' was partially shot here. After a tour of the church with a local guide we will be travelling back towards Brasov and on to Rasnov to visit the recently restored castle. Visible for miles around this impressive castle was built by Teutonic Knights in the thirteenth century. Amongst the more unusual tourist attractions at the fortress is a glass panel in the floor through which visitors can peer at a skeleton in an open grave. Rasnov is also where the film 'Cold Mountain' was made, and the view from the castle offers a spectacular panorama across unspoiled beech and birch forests and mountains.
After a stop to buy lunch, we head to Bran Castle. Set on a rocky crag, this is the perfect Hollywood image of Dracula's castle, although any association with Vlad Tepes is tenuous. We will have a guided tour of the castle, which is a maze of twisting spiral stairs, turrets and secret doors. Outside the castle is an ever-expanding tourist market where you can buy an extensive range of 'Dracula' souvenirs including puppets, t-shirts, mugs, plates and pictures, as well as traditional Romanian wood, wool and leather goods.
Returning to the hotel, there will be time for a short break before heading out again for an evening of civilised musical entertainment and fine food in the stately surroundings of the old Citadel ('Cetate'). This is always an enjoyable evening and another opportunity to dig out your glad rags. We will be collected by the coach later in the evening to return to our hotel."
I was right, things did deteriorate yesterday from about lunchtime onwards, but definitely in a good way. We all sat around on the bus getting drunk and laughing at everything and nothing, and I spent a very nice half-hour on the back seat with Ginger Dave... no, dammit, that sounds so wrong! That's not what I meant at all. Please let me rephrase that – I moved to the back seat to escape the sun, which was turning the front and middle of the bus into a sauna. For some reason though, the back seats are in permanent twilight, so it was either move back there or start stripping off my clothes... hang on, that sentence doesn't sound good either, does it? There’s something seriously wrong with my head today.
Anyway, me and Ginger Dave ended up sharing a bottle of cherry brandy and one headphone each of an MP3 player, and sat there dancing embarrassingly to Rage Against the Machine and jazz versions of 'Too Drunk to Fuck' while drinking large amounts of sugary alcohol. There's just not enough moments like that in life, I reckon.
After getting through the entire bottle of cherry brandy (which I was supposed to be saving for my dad... oops, guess I'll have to go buy another one now), me and Debs attempt to learn a song about the state capitals of the USA. It was originally in an episode of 'Animaniacs', but Blond Klif knows it off by heart and writes it all down to keep us amused. Although it doesn't take long for everyone to gets sick of us singing, 'Baton Rouge, Louisiana, Indianapolis, Indiana, and Columbus is the capital of Ohio' over and over again. We never do get past learning the second verse. Once we give up, I crawl into a corner of the back seat and fall asleep next to Disorganised Mick for the rest of the journey.
At the hotel I have another very nice nap and then go steal some Pro-Plus off Ginger Dave (today playing the role of 'Drug-Dealer Dave'). Feeling a little bit more awake, most of us head off towards a trendy wine bar not far from the hotel, and I get my first real look at Brasov. This is also the point, incidentally, when KT and Tubby Mark decide to make a little detour and disappear off to a strip club, leaving me to fend off questions about KT's sexuality for the rest of the evening. I really should have used this opportunity to spread some vicious rumours, shouldn’t I?
We sit around in the wine bar and Debs tells us about how she just met a very random American couple in the lift at the hotel. Their first question (apparently apropos of nothing) was, 'so where is the room party tonight?'. Debs told them that we'd not really decided yet (which was true since none of us have really got lucky with the rooms this time), at which point the random couple promptly offer us the use of their suite. Well, the male half of the couple offers the suite, while the female half looks a little bit disturbed, especially when Debs helpfully points out that there are in fact thirty of us. The guy insists that it's still okay and gives her their room number.
We have a few nice drinks at the wine bar and then head back to the hotel, deciding to take the nice Americans up on their offer. It's about midnight by this point, and the Americans predictably enough don't answer the door when two-dozen of us turn up outside. Oh well, never mind. We all squash into Mucky Mick's room instead and have a little room party there. Mucky Mick is currently sulking, incidentally, because KT and Mark didn't think to invite him or Scary Robert along to the strip club. Sigh, men.
The main topic of conversation throughout the evening (again, predictably enough) is Nicolae, and the suitable punishments that we should inflict on him. His latest surprise for us was at dinner, when he let us know that the itinerary for tomorrow has been changed. We were supposed to be going to Pjemer, Rasnov and Bran Castle on Thursday, but there would appear to be an impromptu NATO conference going on that day, so we're going to do the castles and everything tomorrow, and swap our free day to Thursday. This doesn't really bother me much, but his attitude definitely does. It's not like the NATO conference could have appeared out of the blue or anything, but Nicolae just dumps it on our heads without even an attempt at discussing it with us.
Even more annoyingly, he's started actually blanking anyone female (including Debs, Stella and Helen, which is why I suspect that his life expectancy is currently shortening), and when Ali tried to talk to him earlier about something, Nicolae put up his paper in front of his face rather than answer him. Ali came back upstairs saying, 'Well, I don't know what we're doing tomorrow, but the paper says that Christopher Reeve has died'. So there's a certain amount of bad feeling going on here. I mentioned right at the start that this group is one of the most easy-going bunch of buggers I've ever met, so the fact that they're all getting well and truly pissed off is disturbing. Although admittedly it did take a week and a half for them to get actually there.
Anyway, on to today. Due to our shifted itinerary, we're currently en route to Bran Castle, which everyone says is very fun and pretty. Yay, I love castles. I'm fairly sure that this is also the place that Vlad the Impaler was imprisoned for a couple of years towards the end of his life. He used to sit up in his prison cell capturing mice and birds and impaling them on sticks because he didn't have any people to torture any more. If I was to turn the story of his life into a movie (and God-willing, someday I will) then that would probably be the point where it would end, because I like the neat irony of it all.
As a quick side note, before I get on with talking about the rest of today: I think I'm pretty much ready to come home now. It's been a great holiday and I don't really mind that we've got another few days left to enjoy, but I just feel like I've been away from Jacob for too long and I really want to be back home with him. I've spent the last few days thinking almost continuously about how much I want to be back in my own flat, in my bed, with Jacob next to me kicking me out of bed and occasionally stealing all the blankets. I think I've more or less reached the breaking point now. I'm going to have to buy a phone card today and have a proper conversation with my folks tonight, because it's killing me that I've hardly spoken to them for a week and a half. I just can't cope on my own... I'm a long way from being an independent type, have you noticed this?
Anyway, back to my usual wibbling commentary. Before we head out to Bran we stop off at Pjemer, which is the most amazing fortified church. We very nearly don't get there, because Nicolae takes us to a completely different church, claiming that it's 'pretty much the same'. Yes, that's very nice, but as someone points out, Hungary is pretty much the same as Romania. That doesn't necessarily make it the place we were heading to.
But the fort itself is amazing. There's a very pretty church in the centre, and I find a conker on one of the pews, which I give to Stella for Conker Club ('the first rule about Conker Club – you do not talk about Conker Club. The second rule is no smoking.'), but the main attraction is the surrounding walls. There are dozens of wooden doors set into the inside courtyard, with wooden steps and platforms leading to the higher up ones, and each door opens on a small living area inside. A lot of the doors are locked, but several of them are standing open, and I duck through one of them and into the stone rooms inside. I follow a tiny set up steps upwards and find myself unexpectedly inside the outer wall. Holy crap! You can run all the way round the inside of the wall, with doorways on one side leading back into the houses and then the courtyard, and with the solid outer wall on the other side, complete with convenient holes and slits for dumping things onto anyone stupid enough to attack your fort.
People keep popping out at me from all these hidden little recesses, which does very little for my nerves. I especially get mad with Ginger Dave, who keeps appearing all over the place (Organising Helen has a theory that there're actually half a dozen different Dave's, which would explain how he always manages to get everywhere ahead of the rest of us). But the fort itself is brilliant. I can see why this place would make a fantastic movie set – it’s amazingly atmospheric, with the thick stone walls and the endless dark dusty corridors. It's ace and I love it and I could have stayed there for hours. Except I’m really hungry so I have to go buy ham from a nearby shop. (Note from Future Rakie: Yes, and then I left half the ham on the bus for three days and Stephan had to throw it out. I am a genius, y’know.)
In another slight re-ordering of itinerary, we go to Bran castle straight after Pjemer (apparently we can't go to Bran later because NATO will be there... anyone else confused?). When we get there we have a little bit of free time to buy tat from the dozens of little stalls around that area, and most of us take advantage of this. Klif and Vix have bought so many souvenirs on this trip that they've come up with their own song about it – ‘Hauling Round My Tat', to the tune of 'All Around My Hat' (or 'All Around My ARSE' as Stella sings it). I contribute the local economy as well (although in a much more minor way) by buying a load of stuff to take home – a doll for mum, a t-shirt and a wooden sword for Jacob, a mug for me, and a very pretty knife with dinosaurs on it... also for me. Oh yes, and I find a fish-on-a-string (which is also a pen!) that I buy for Ginger Dave, because he's just declared himself the leader of the 'Order of the Fish' ('you have to give me forty dollars and then drink lots of vodka'). And yes, I realise that buying presents for people you're still on holiday with is taking it a little bit too far. But me and KT have already bought presents for Blond Klif and Mucky Mick respectively on separate occasions... plus, it's fun.
The castle itself is very impressive and big and gothic-y, although maybe a little bit touristy. We all troop around like good little tourists, oohing and ahhing at the decoration in all the rooms. We also have a bit of an epic right at the start – to protect the floors, everyone has to wear fun slippers over their feet, which would be fine except for the fact that the slippers were never designed for people wearing New Rocks. Darren especially has problems, and ends up wearing two slippers on each foot, one over the toe and one over the heel. We also laugh at the secret stairway leading from one of the downstairs rooms up to the queen's bedroom, which is helpfully labelled 'Secret Stairway'. Now that’s a useful feature.
After Bran, it's on to Rasnov. Rasnov is another fortress up on top of a hill, with brilliant views over the surrounding countryside (and the town of Brasov itself). KT and Becky take one look at the hill and decide (rather sensibly) to opt out and wait in the convenient bar at the bottom rather than make the long trek up there. The rest of us start off on our walk. On the way up, I find a very nice big pinecone, which I pick up (I like pinecones). Disorganised Mick asks me what I'm going to do with it, and I (being the mature sort, obviously) tell him I'm going to throw it at his bottom. And I do. Me and Ginger Dave then amuse ourselves by throwing pinecones at Disorganised Mick all the rest of the way up the hill, and then at each other when Mick (sensibly) moves out of range.
At the top, we find that the fort is surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly) very tourist orientated, with a bar and a museum and some typical Romanian toilets (yargh). There's also a set of stocks that I end up getting put in (I'm sure there's a reason why it's always me that these things happen to) and a dry well that goes down about eighty metres. I know that it goes down that far because one of the people there demonstrates by dropping a lighted newspaper down. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek. There's also an uncovered grave with a glass panel over it, so you can walk over it, look down and see the skeleton there.
I wander up to the viewing point and take lots of fun photos of the scenery, and also some video footage so that I can show KT what she missed. Then I retire to the bar and pick up a carry-out of one bottle of Morefatlard and two cans of Ursus beer (we're ridiculously impressed by the cans, incidentally, because it the first time we've seen beer in cans since we got here) and then we head on back down the hill. Me and Ginger Dave resume our pinecone fight until he runs off down the hill like the big girl that he is.
That evening we have a visit to the Citadel... most of which will have to be filled in for you by Future Rakie, due to reasons I'll go into tomorrow. Basically it's because I've fallen really behind with this diary... but I'll let you know exactly why tomorrow.
(Note from Future Rakie: Oh fine, just leave all the work to me, why don't you?
Anyway, the Citadel. For the past week or so, Nicolae had been going on about a ceremony that would take place at the Citadel, where people could become Knights of Transylvania... if they paid him forty dollars. The more cynical amongst us suggested that this was the only reason he was doing it, but never mind. In the end he managed to get six volunteers – Tubby Mark, American Lawrence, Paul, Duncan, Tim, and our very own KT (bless her). We drive from the hotel up to the Citadel and are greeted by a man dressed as an archer and a woman dressed as a harlequin, who kindly hand out plum brandy and welcome us to the citadel. It's all very fun and formal, and the citadel itself looks exactly like the fortified castles that you read about in fantasy novels.
To become knights, our six brave souls have to complete six tasks – strength (arm-wrestling), skill (archery), balance (walking along a narrow beam), bravery (jumping over a fire), intelligence (answering a riddle) and dancing (no, really). They all pass the tests, although Paul comes close to getting his head chopped off for getting a riddle wrong, and then we all move inside for the award ceremony. Cue more people in costume and tacky fanfares! It's great, and the knights all look so proud as they step forward to receive their scroll and pendant.
We go upstairs for a meal, and KT spends all night insisting that we now address her as 'Lady KT'. She also texts a half-dozen people back home to let them know her new status. Jim (with-the-accent-I-can't-place) offers to be her official bodyguard, and keeps trying to disembowel those who offend her (usually me, for some reason). He gets scarily into the role in fact. Official entertainment (as opposed to that provided by slightly-inebriated goths with an unhealthy fascination for disembowelling) is courtesy of some very pretty dancers and singers. It's a shame that the room we were in had such lousy acoustics, because some of the singers had fantastic voices. One girl sings an operatic number and comes wandering between the tables, stopping to play with Mucky Mick's hair (okay, he doesn't really have much hair... plays with his ears, then), and we all laugh greatly at him when he goes bright red. Becky starts calling him 'King Crimson', and the name sticks for the rest of the holiday.
Someone comes round selling roses, so I buy one 'for the Lady'. KT's so touched that she buys one for me in return, and I spend the rest of the night boshing people over the head with it. It turns out that Ginger Dave is also allergic to flowers, so I keep waving it in his face and asking him why he doesn't want my flower. And yes, it sounds EXACTLY that bad when I yell it out really loudly in front of everyone.
We all retire back to the hotel and have another very small room party in Mucky Mick's room. I manage to lose my flower somewhere (embarrassingly enough, I think it may have been underneath one of the tables in the restaurant) and complain about it for some period of time before everyone tells me to shut the hell up.
And I think that's pretty much all I remember of that night! Thank you! - Future Rakie)
TO BE CONTINUED!